Why Oh Why? Giving Grace to the Preschooler Stuck in the Why-Phase
Anyone else have a preschooler who asks questions all day long? Questions like “Why do we die?” to “Why was Hans mean to Anna?” to “What is a chair?” Anyone else want to pull their hair out?
My almost four-year-old has been stuck in this phase for months. As an effort to emulate God’s infinite patience with me, I have tried to be intentional in how I’ve approached this crazy-making phase. When I’m not actually being bombarded with questions, I’ve been thinking a lot about why everything that comes from her mouth is a question, and often regarding things she already knows. These are just observations from another mom in the middle of it, but I’ve come up with four reasons and I’ll just toss them out here for any other parents trying hard to extend grace amidst the inane.
Verbal Processing. I think maybe my daughter is just thinking about life out loud. She’s just running a constant verbal stream-of-consciousness and wants me to be a part of it. It’s like a weird form of narrating everything going on in her head, her way of processing the world. However, when she starts asking questions like “What is a chair?” I know that she’s just getting tired 🙂
Experimenting with new types of speech. Like maybe she has literally forgotten how to form declarative sentences and everything just comes out as a question. It’s in there somewhere; I’m sure those declarative statements will resurface someday. Hopefully…
Genuinely just curious. I mean we all had to learn this stuff somehow or another. Preschoolers are starting to watch longer shows and movies, read longer stories, and observe the world with new eyes. It’s a lot to take in and This form of curiosity can’t last forever. It’s just not sustainable for anyone haha. Might as well do our best to encourage lifelong learning. I’m afraid if I totally shut down the questions, I’ll be shutting down more than that.
Learning to trust and looking for affirmation. Our children love us. They need and want to trust us. They want to be affirmed for the things they already know, and we are the first people they want to come to with the hard questions. I suppose I’m honored that my daughter wants to include me in these big thoughts she has.
As they say, if we listen to the little things now, they’ll come talk to us about the big stuff later. If I focus on that, I go a little less crazy. This is a wise investment. Since my expertise lies with middle and high school students, and I get how they think, I very much for sure want my own daughter to feel safe coming to me first when she gets big. So grace in the meantime and gratefulness for this opportunity to build trust and encourage learning at home.
